Clarification
by xxxsalie
Summary: RATED M FOR SLASH/INCEST.  Cody had no idea what was wrong with him. He needed to clarify something with Zack. Only they didn't know that they both...
1. Something's Wrong

BEFORE YOU READ YOU SHOULD KNOW: THE STORY INCLUDES INCEST AND SLASH. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

**CLARIFICATION**

Zack/Cody

1.

There was something wrong with him.

Bailey pinched him hard on the arm this morning during class, catching him looking absent-mindedly out into mid-air. It was the third time he couldn't pay attention to his teachers, the twelfth time he didn't want to apologize or even say anything to Bailey this past two weeks.  
As soon as the bell rang, she stretched her arm over and felt his forehead. Are you ill? She asked, her brows wrinkled in worries. I don't think so, he replied.

She might have gone on about him not having sufficient sleep due to all their sneak-out dates at night, and reached to a conclusion that they should postpone their meeting that night, which he really didn't quite listen to her from word to word.  
Maybe he wasn't listening at all. He absorbed the vague information automatically all the same, like he had done during the last few lessons.

No after-curfew date with Bailey tonight.  
Somewhere deep inside him, a wriggling sensation called 'relief' caught him happily. He felt guilty inwardly at the same time. A loud noise was banging on his eardrums at that point, making him deaf. He frowned, bit his bottom lips and turned around to check the source of the nuisance.

It was Zack, again. He was not mad, not even a little bit, again.

Bailey fired a fully charged disciplinary speech towards Zack and Woody about the importance of a quiet, undisturbed environment for patients, as in her poor Cody. 'Who's sick?' Asked Zack with a lifted eyebrow and mockingly curved lips. 'No one,' cried Cody, putting two thumbs up to verify his full spirits.

Zack suddenly moved over to his side, grabbed his arm and pretended to feel his pulse. The man is still alive! He shouted, patted his twin on the back hard and gave him a loud peck on the forehead, before he ran off with Woody and Marcus out of the classroom.

Told you guys to keep it down! Shouted Bailey.

Touching his forehead, Cody simply couldn't hear a thing. 

**A/N:**

**I've always wanted to try ZxC, but never plucked up the courrage. Please tell me how I did after you read all of the chapters! Thanks very much!**


	2. Self Comfort

2.

Cody Martin, the man with intelligence, persistence and determination. The man who despite thfe outer adversities and inner fears when dealing with the relationships with girls had mapped out a six-month plan to pursue a girl he loved. He was now seventeen years old. And yes, he could no longer avoid being called a man. Even though from time to time, he had hoped to reverse the clock, grow back and hide behind his mother's skirt. Things were a lot easier in many ways for him were he a sweet, considerate, somewhat nerdy kid. He confessed that there indeed was a proportion of heart that he wanted to halt his emotional growth, in order to prevent… well, this.

The very same Cody Martin, the man who now stared back at him in the cold, wet bathroom mirror, seemingly numb and indifferent to the caring sweet girl named Bailey.

Darn puberty.

He slapped more freezing cold water onto his cheeks.

"What is WRONG with me?" He curled his fists and hit hard against the wall. He was glad Woody hadn't come back.

He touched his forehead, the only place on his skin that wasn't icy. His felt fingers gradually, as if the warmth had become ripples, sending waves jumping and vibrating, expanding this invisible power through his entire body... when he dashed into the bathroom he felt exposed, naked, even transparent. Now, it was as if someone had wrapped him inside a tight embrace from behind. Someone stronger. Someone passionate. Someone wild. Someone not at all feminine.

That was just a mindless kiss. Something to mock his vulnerability, and it was so kindly presented by his playful twin. Yes. His older twin brother.

It was something he ought to have gotten used to. He did not understand the nausea or the cramps in his stomach. He should understand.

He should understand why the sight of Zack made him want nothing but to stare at him for the past few months. It may not have always been so, but the feelings had become deeper than ever. He should realize the grudge within him every time he bumped into Zack kissing another young beautiful girl on the cruise ship. He should see it clear that he disliked every inch of the entwined silhouette, even loathed his brother after those accidental intrusions.

He had considered the possibilities. He wiped himself dry with a clean towel, stepping outside of the bathroom. This shower had taken an awfully long time, and yet he still felt incredibly tainted.

**_Was he envy of his brother's charm?_**

That would easily be his guess, for Zack had always been showing off his ludicrous charisma when Cody felt his unreasonable serge of feelings.

**_Was he afraid of losing him, at some point?_**

Perhaps all these inner dramas were out of brotherly concerns… he did not want his brother to sink into such playful and wayward style of wasting high school! Obviously Zack was not capable of living without all those babe-huntings. But did that make Cody not want his brother to get involved with a girl emotionally? Or in this case, with _anyone_ at all?

He looked into a standing mirror beside his desk. "What is so charming about this face, anyway?" He ran his fingers through his wet hair, combing the fringes down to make it smooth. In the mirror, he looked just like Zack… only skinnier and paler. Zack had outgrown him in height and masculinity this year, rendering him slightly taller and stronger.

"If only…"

He slid his fingers from his forehead to his pallid cheeks, then down to his chest, feeling his skin with a blank mind and closed eyes. If felt as if all the things were gone, except for one soothing hand still gliding upon the surface of his body.

No one ever told him about the pleasure that could be procured by touching himself. It was insane when he found out at fifteen. Besides that, he would never tell, of course, that he did not picture Bailey neither now nor in those sleepless nights over these few months.

Right now... he panted hard... he would rather be called _Narcissistic_.

**TBC**


	3. Clarifying

3.

He knocked on the door of Zack and Marcus'. Zack opened it.

He avoided the same eyes, which had stared back at him in the mirror; only they were real, kinder, and sweeter.

"Marcus?" He grabbed his pillows and quilt, "I was wondering if we could swap beds tonight. Zack asked me to help him revise for the math test tomorrow."

"What? I did not-"

"Please, Marcus?"

Marcus looked at him with puzzled looks on his face, but he nodded and packed his stuff.

"What the heck, Cody? Marcus and I were gonna play cards-"

Cody put his things down onto Zack's bed, sitting down at the edge of it. He bowed his head.

"Dude this is so not cool..." Zack's tantrum went on, getting really annoyed by his younger twin's strange behavior. "What's your problem, anyway? Missing Mommy? Want me to call her for..."

"Zack." He said calmly, trying hard to keep it together, "Please."

He did not know how to explain this awful intrusion, which had started to look like a mistake. He wanted them both to calm down. This was the last method he would resort to… to find out the truth.

He needed Zack to stay quiet for him, for a while.

"I just need to clear my head, you know." Cody mumbled in the smallest volume Zack could hear, "I have to figure things out."

But, what was there to figure out? Somehow he didn't even have an answer for that. Acting just upon a tingling sensation that may or may not have existed wasn't a signature Cody Martin Mr. Perfection behavior at all.

None of this matched his plans, fit his tracks of thoughts, or even partook in his imaginations before. Did it matter? So what if it did?

Cat got his tongue.

"What is it?" Zack folded his arms, leaning against his cabinet, staring down impatiently at the seemingly crestfallen Cody.

"I can't remember the last time you acted like this... woah man, not since Bailey became your girlfriend."

"It's not about Bailey, or my relationship. Or her. I don't know." Cody looked up, only high enough to see his brother's shoulders. That was the place he dared to reach without going nauseous again.

"Maybe it is. All of them."

Zack inhaled loudly in a worried way, then exhaled. He always did that when he reconsidered the situations, and found them to be more serious than he thought, remembered Cody. Like when they were five, Cody told him he was too frightened to watch those scary movies they weren't allowed to watch. Naturally Zack found a way to make him watch it. After Cody ran off crying and hiding under the bed, he sought to Cody that night, with heavy breathings inside his apologies.

"You sound really weird, Cody," Zack put down his arms, walking towards the bed and sat down beside his brother. "'You sure it's nothing Bailey can help you with? She's bigger of a help in this kind of-"

"Will you not mention her in this, please?" Cody snapped, standing up abruptly and violently, away from Zack.

He paced up and down the room, thinking he did the right thing by shutting Zack up. He was about to question something vague and unknown. He wanted to leave and pretend nothing had happened. But he knew there had to be a grave necessity of demanding the truth.

Zack had started to stare at him with a dubious expression on his face.

He had to say something. **NOW.**

"I'm sorry, man. There's just something really wrong about me lately… It's like there's this thing between me and Bailey…" He grabbed hold of something invisible in the air, and dug his fingers into the object painfully, "It makes me think twice about her, you know? Every time I tried to go near her, a rejecting voice would echo in my head."

Cody thought he was going towards the wrong direction. How could he blame this on Bailey? He would completely misguide Zack at this point. It wasn't about Bailey and him! Not entirely, at least. But he was telling the truth, some of the truth. That was a good start.

"Did she do anything? She's not cheating on you, is she?" Zack questioned him in interest more than concern, "I thought you guys were madly in love with each other. This morning she was all worried sick about you being ill, wasn't she?"

This morning. That dreadful, deceitful morning.

"I wasn't ill. I was just feeling a little… out of shape."

He chickened out. He didn't want to get to the point so quickly. Talking about him may or may not have been ill certainly led to him questioning about that mistaken kiss on the forehead, the pit of all these doubts- or so he wanted to blame, badly.

"Should you ever doubt yourself for something?" Prompted Cody. He didn't know how to continue this false conversation anymore.

"What's there to doubt if you have already accepted yourself?" Answered Zack, with squinting eyes now.

Zack stood up, keeping his eyes focused on his poor, lost brother. He seemed so lost, so confused, so shameful with something he wasn't willing to say with honesty.

"You know, little brother," Zack's voice became low and mysterious. "Sometimes, those things require not thinking, but feeling."

He undid the top three buttons of his shirt, walking towards Cody. Zack's stronger arms reached Cody, grabbed of his upper arms and shoved him against the wall.

Cody felt the ground whirling as he was firmly locked in his brother's arms. His strength had leaked out through a puncture in his heart, making him powerless to break free, even he really wanted to.

"Let go, Zack." Cody said with a calm voice close to a whisper, "This isn't funny."

His brother did not answer. Cody's shirt was pulled up from his pants, unbuttoned from down to up. A warm hand slid into his clothes, feeling him, bringing sensations too great to exist from those late night fantasies of his.

He panted as this stronger man before him breathed down his neck. His cheeks were on his cheeks. His heating body warmth made him want to do those twisted things he could only dream to do…

Zack was nibbling on his earlobes, it was shameful to say but he nearly begged when Zack pulled away. Cody shut his eyes, feeling the soft and wet touches of his brother's tongue exploring its way around his chin, to his chest, then down to his abdomen. He wanted this. It would be a torment if he stopped there and walked out the room…

"My baby brother…" Zack stretched one of his arms deep inside the shirt and felt Cody's neck from behind, while he tilted his face with his other hand. His abdomen was pressed hard against his, and Cody's legs were between his.

Cody was sweating in a pleasant but dangerous way. Anyone would know if he had met the very only thing in the world that would make him happy, even make him think that dying this instant wouldn't be a shame. As turquoise eyes meet, Cody swam his fingers into Zack's dirty blonde hair. His scalp was hot, even sweaty. An insane thought flashed through his mind: He wanted Zack's hands down his crotch, undo the zipper of his jeans and bring him the joy he couldn't achieve himself deep in the nights.

But this had to come first.

This initial contact that would bond his brother and him forever close must take its place first, before they embarked on something irreversible, something wonderful.

Zack had no idea how bad he wanted this.

"Yes, Zack?" Cody murmured as he panted, bringing himself closer to Zack as he stretched his arms around Zack's neck.

In a moment of revelation he knew what he was looking for. His answer to all, his solution to all his problems and doubts… It was Cody Martin's final clarification. It was on the tip of Zack's tongue, which had just licked his neck. It was around his lips, for which he could not say how much he had craved. He could taste it already… He was waiting… just a second away he could and he would… the sweet taste of those set of…

**TBC**


	4. If Only You Knew

4.

Zack was shaking him like crazy.

"What are you doing here, Cody?"

Zack's voice boomed loudly beside him. His neck was suddenly terribly sore, and so was his waist.  
"Man, you were sleeping outside of my room!"  
Zack's hand was on his shoulder now, shaking him to wake him up. "You alright, bro?"

He was sitting on the floor in the hallway of the boys' dormitory in a most uncomfortable position. He must have gotten out of shower, and fell asleep as he tried to wait there for Zack.  
Cody covered his lips instinctively, and checked his pajamas' top… and Zack's shirt. They were both neatly buttoned; perhaps Zack's was a little messy but all seemed normal, not a trace of severe rummaging or forcible groping.

It was just a dream.

Urghhhhh he should have kissed him... Cody frowned hard with an aching expression on his face and covered his whole face.

"Are you sure you aren't ill?" asked Zack suspiciously, "You look really pale."

Cody looked into Zack's concerned eyes, feeling the tingling sensation in his stomach and his throat as he had done recently at the thought of his brother. Only this time, he remembered the feeling of being held and locked into a corner, their lips inches apart.

He had fallen for Zack, unconsciously. He did not only love him brotherly, but in an excruciatingly romantic way. That made him nauseous. That rendered him senseless towards sweet Bailey. That even transformed him into a maniac craving for his brother's body… Zack's body… in a completely savage way.

This was shameful.  
He could not bear the thought of breaking up with Bailey and saying 'I'm sorry, but I seem to have fallen in love with my brother'. He dared not to imagine how she would think of him. Bailey was after all a woman with sensibility and principles. She would not understand how he felt for Zack. And besides, this was morally inacceptable… Truthfully, this was why he never admitted this obsession clearly to himself. He never thought that him, Cody Martin, who had always followed the rules and regulations of everything, would ever dare to cross the line of morality and ethics. He knew he had to rule this possibility out.

He had to hide, or as people put it, 'stay in the closet' forever. Even if this decision would hold him back from being who he was and deny him of the things he truly wanted, he had to seal his lips, burry his feelings, and never mourn for them outwardly. It should be viewed upon as dead, as well as never existed. Even if he knew that a part of him would die along with the feelings, he had no other options.

He felt that his eyes were wet.

"Cody?" Zack waved his hand in front of Cody's slack eyes. "Man, what's wrong? You're officially freaking me out."

He touched Cody's face with his warm fingers and made his brother look at him straight into his eyes. Genuine worries were flashing in Zack's turquoise pupils, and he stretched one arm to grab Cody close to him. With silent hushes, he wiped away Cody's tears. He had never done so before, because it was always their mother's work. But now Carrie wasn't on board…

"Hey, you used to tell me everything, remember? I may have judged once or twice-"

Cody glared at him, still teary-eyed.

"Okay, perhaps I was judgmental upon you all the time, it didn't stop me from solving your problems with you. In my opinion, little bro, us being seventeen doesn't change the fact that we can still share minds like we used to when we were five."

Cody looked at Zack, "I'm not sure if this is a problem that can be solved easily."

"Bro, I always figure out something. I'm Zack Martin, for Christ's sake! Now, why don't you and Marcus swap beds tonight, so you can tell me everything?"

* * *

Zackary Martin mesmerized about what had happened.

He waited long in the bathroom, like he was getting ready for something.

Cody didn't wait for him to finish his shower, and fell sound asleep in Zack's bed, looking serene and trouble-free.  
Zack walked silently to Cody's side, sitting on the edge of his own bed and looking down on the face he always saw in the mirrors.

Cody had longer eye-lashes, just like he remembered.

If only Cody had known he was watching this morning…

He blamed himself for being cunning. He was never supposed to take advantage of his obviously lovesick brother, even if he had the privileges of getting close to him, even taking care of him…

He never intended to give him that kiss this morning. He had dreamt of kissing him in so many nights in tossing and turnings, so passionately and romantically. Dare he say that it was a misaimed shot? Everything came so quickly he didn't even know what he was doing by grabbing his brother on the wrist until he was inches close with his skin. He did not know that it wasn't a dream. Maybe the chance came as an opportunity to clarify.

Zack told himself, he just needed clarification.

What was he trying to clarify? Why was it so blurry for him to see?  
Nothing. No reason.  
All along, the cause was of one single person.

It was twisted, of course.  
But he had to be honest.  
Even if it meant that he would have to jeopardize everything he had, and confess his feelings for Cody, maybe get prepared for his down right rejection, verbal and non-verbal damnation.

But a part of him still hoped. Would his brother accept him? Would they commit this incorrigible crime together?

Would he love him in return?

If Zack had to be honest, then he would need to gamble.

Zack seized Cody's hand and pressed a kiss upon its back.  
"If only you knew…"

If only he knew how big of a chance he would succeed.

**END**


End file.
